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One thing I've encountered repeatedly in posts and comments is a sense of outrage towards people who feel that they not only have the right to tell their own teenage children what they can read, but that they can also decide what other people's kids have access to. People who don't just want to tell their own offspring that a particular book is off-limits, but want the book withdrawn from public libraries, from school libraries or from the school curriculum.
And yes, it is an outrage.
However, what I've also noticed is a tendency to accept that it is up to parents to tell their own teens what they can and can't read. That there's nothing wrong with parents deciding that, on balance, the material in a particular title is 'unsuitable' for their own children, despite the fact that their children are now young adults. They're the parents, so that's okay, right? Not in my book.
As far as I'm concerned, banning your own teenager from reading a YA book is heinous. It might not be as heinous as trying to tell your entire town that no other teenager can read it either, but it still reeks of wrongess.
Now, I can appreciate that sometimes parents make this kind of decision in good faith. They don't feel that their son or daughter is ready for the material in the book, and rather than risk the teen's confusion or upset they decide they can't read it. Or maybe they think their teen is impressionable, and might end up emulating the characters in the book in ways that will have an adverse effect on their future. That, of course, is fine. Right?
Well, only if you accept that this is exactly how bigoted, ignorant and prejudiced people will be justifying their actions too. Do they want their teenagers encountering positive portrayals of GLBT characters, or characters from other faiths? Do they want their teenagers to be able to understand where people who are 'different' are coming from? Hell, no they don't. Do they want their teenagers forming their own opinions, or realising that making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person? Sadly, for some of them, the answer is no. The fact is this: ignorant parents probably couldn't care less about anyone else's opinion on this. As far as they're concerned, their sense of entitlement tells them they're right and that's that. But surely parents whose compulsion to limit their teenagers' reading comes from a genuine desire to protect would do far better to let them read what they want, and open up a dialogue with them about it.
What I would say to them is this: Believe in your parenting skills. Statistics tell us that it's those who can't read at an appropriate level for their age who are most likely to wind up in jail or living on the poverty line*, not those who feel compelled to read books their parents might consider too old for them. You have a son or daughter who likes to read, and that's an accomplishment in itself. Now trust them. If they read a book you're concerned about, read it too, and discuss it with them. Just be prepared for the fact that they might end up teaching you something.
I'm not a parent. But I've been a teenager who wanted to read books her slightly over-protective mother thought were too old for her. She didn't ban them, but she did express disapproval. Did this stop me? No. I read them in secret. Did this stop me discussing the content and issues with her? Yes, it did. And that's not what anybody wants, is it?
*Wikipedia, here.
10 comments:
very interesting post Lauren, especially as I really do agree with you and am a mother myself. I have to be honest and say while reading YA there have been a few books I've wondered how I'd feel about my daughter reading in a few years time (she's only five now!)and felt a little uncomfortable. I remember Eclipse in particular had me thinking would I want her reading and being influenced by this? It's kind of a knee jerk reaction you have at times. However when I sat and thought about it I know I would let her read it, and then I'd talk about the issues I'd found with her. I'd like to think when she is a young adult, I'll have done a good enough job as a parent that a book wouldn't send her off the rails! Banning a book won't protect a Young adult. Talking and educating about the issues might. I also personally think there are more sinister influences out there anyway which concern me. Teen and celebrity mags for example and the portrayal of the perfect image. Would I stop her reading those even? No. I hope I'll have instilled enough confidence and self worth in her that she can see beyond these things.
I started reading adult novels at a pretty young age, and some tacky, nasty ones at that. My Mum never stopped me, I'm not sure she even knew what I was reading. They don't seemed to have harmed me but I would like to be able to have a more involved relationship with my own daughter and books!
(sorry for the huge comment!)
Excellent post, as ever, Lauren.
You're right - some parents are ignorent. But some are great - I'm a teenager and whilst my parents aren't particuly involved in what I read and are therfore not to judgemental, they would be slightly concerned if I bought a book with nakid people on the front. (Not that I have ever done that.)
But I think it is really stupid when people try and ban books with little to no context on hand, or when they label it unsiutable for everyone because they may consider the content unisutable. And studies judge that most book banners have not actuyally read the book they are trying to ban.
As ever, great post. Sorry for the long and I am pretty sure probably very dull comment.
While I personally agree with you that, imo, parents should back off their children's reading once they're young adults, I don't think we can ever dictate to someone how to parent their kids. That decision, ultimately, IS up to them (sad though it may be for teens with parents who heavily censor their reading).
But thank you for the post -- it's a good reminder that censoring books in almost any scenario isn't a great idea, even if parents have that right.
I love how people apologize for long comments, when I am pretty sure the long ones are the best ones EVAR.
Right-o.
Lauren, I love this post and thing you are so right. Granted, I am moderately young with zero children. I can imagine somewhat censoring their reading when they are 5, but only in extreme cases. I think that when your kid is a teen, chances are they probably already know about all of the bad things out there. If they can experience that through a book first, and reflect on it, then I don't think that is something I could argue against. However, I know that I am more liberal than most. But, I really think we ought to just trust kids. They aren't dumb and they don't need a parent helicoptering their reading. I read whatever I wanted to when I was a teenager. My parents never said no. Then again they knew that my best friend's brother dealt drugs. They knew my friends had sex. Whatever. They also knew that they raised me so I wouldn't get into all of that stuff, and I didn't. Nor did I ever feel that urge to rebel against a heavy handed upbringing by engaging in risky behaviors.
Well said! I'm a mother and while my daughter is currently only 2, I cannot imagine ever telling her that she couldn't read something. Books were never policed when I was growing up (in fact, I remember my father crowing gleefully when I discovered Stephen King aged around 13) and often were the subject of discussion. Parents should see books that tackle difficult or taboo subjects as an easy in to discussing said subjects with their offspring. While I understand the concern that some YA books might be too "old" for younger teens, I don't think it's my place to tell my daughter what she can and can't read. I will just be happy that she wants to read, full stop.
Uhm. I'm no parent either, but I think that if a parent's mainly concern is what their child *reads*, then they should consider themselves very lucky indeed. I mean, at least s/he is reading, right?
I also think that banning something makes it much more attractive to a kid. Just saying.
Absolutely. I couldn't agree with this more. It is something I come up against all the time at work. What parents do not understand is that children will censor themselves. They are very good at skipping pages if they a) don't understand b) think a bit is boring c) think is is *gross* i.e. too much kissing.
But still these are the conditions that I have to work with and so let us just say that I find ways to work around it as best I can.
But I do think parents need educating about the issue of censorship and why it is so morally wrong. In my mind to deny a child a book is to deny them their human rights.
I have 3 kids (all now 18 and over) and interestingly, while the eldest read whatever he liked, the younger two actually asked me, from time to time, whether I thought a certain book was suitable for them to read. I certainly gave my opinion, when asked, and because they had sought it, they generally listened. However, it would never have occurred to me to forbid them to read a particular book - as you rightly pointed out, there'd be no better way than ensuring that would be the book they'd want to read. Forbidden fruit... Now I'm on the author end of the equation, and my debut novel (Dancing in the Dark, published Feb 2010) has atually been banned at a certain school, and it's been banned because the principal is using the power of his position to enforce censorship in a school that is usually tolerant and opened minded. All because the point of view expressed in the book does not accord with his. I find this sad, and I do think the kids are being short-changed. On the other hand, I'd have no problem with not giving shelf space to books that are explicity racist or sexist, and that incite hatred or violence towards innocent people.
Wonderful post, Lauren.
It's not that long ago since I was a young adult, I'm 27 now and we have a five year old son and a daughter on the way. I cannot imagine trying to tell them what they can or cannot read when they are young adults.
My younger sister and I read much when we were young adult and our parents never tried to censor what we read. For that I am very grateful and I cannot say that it has been harmful to either of us.
Since I love reading young adult books I hope I can read the same books as our children does one day so that we have the possibility to have a dialogue about the things that might be difficult. I want our children to feel that they can talk to us about anything be it books or other things, and that they don’t have to feel like the must hide things from us or feel embarrassed.
For me the topic of book banning touches a lot of other things within a family. And I do believe that people who ban books tend to be, sadly, narrow-minded and teach their own opinions to their children. Not allowing their young ones to access information which can led them to making their own decisions.
I'm never having kids so it's very easy for me to chat on about what parents should, or shouldn't do without having to back it up. I've been so impressed seeing parents in the blog world walk the walk when it comes to letting their kids read what they want, because even for liberal parents there are things they want kids to wait to read about (and I can understand someone wanting to protect their teenager from books which express views that will harm the teenager - say if your kid is gay and someone hands them a book about how to 'stop' being gay it must be so hard to not say 'um no, you will not be reading that').
My parents were stellar about this when I was a teen. I wasn't allowed to read Point Horror until I was 14/15 and that was it. There were still a few books I smuggled up to my room because I thought my parents might not approve (the sexy ones) but over all I read what I wanted and I read a lot. That's how you raise a reader, you let them read.
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